The rest of my weekend was relaxing and insignificant and Monday morning came quicker than I would have liked. I got to work early so that I could prepare for any issues I may have with our COTS go-live. It was the big day to move our accounting department to a system with more robust functionality.
As I sat at my desk, drank my daily cup of coffee, and answered emails, I found my mind drifting. Surprisingly, it wasn't about Jake. I thought about Matthew. I thought about our first encounter.
It was six years ago at a football party hosted by a mutual friend. I was sitting on the couch talking to my best friend, Dayna, when in walks this outgoing Adonis of a man. He made quite the entrance as he started to chant "Gators! Gators!" He was wearing a Florida Gators t-shirt to an LSU stomping ground. I thought to myself, "This dude has balls. I like him."
I took a swig from my glass of pinot then looked up and toward him. We made eye contact. I gave a smile then lowered my eyes and looked away. As soon as he wasn't looking, I turned to Dayna, grabbed her shirt in the fists of my hands and asked, "Who in the Hell is THAT?"
"THAT, my dear is MATT," she said with conviction.
"Ok, so what's his story? Tell me, tell me," I asked eagerly.
"Well, here's what I know..." Dayna leans in close to make sure our conversation is not overheard, and then lowers her voice to a whisper. "He's from Florida."
I roll my eyes and my shoulders go from an excited and tense position to a slump. "No shit!" I say sarcastically.
"Ok, ok. Well, he is from Florida. He's friends with Jeff and Dan. They all work together, so I'm pretty sure he's an engineer at their company. I really can't tell you whether he's available. I've only met him once before, yet here he is again without a date so maybe you're in luck."
I look over at him again and he's got the crowd's full attention. He's telling a story about a recent motorcycle incident or something. Everyone is completely engaged in what he's saying. I don't know what came over me, but suddenly I blurt from my place on the other side of the room, "So, you ride a motorcycle? What, like a Harley or something?"
Jeff tells him, "You're on your own with this one, man. She's a firecracker."
I give Jeff a snarling look and smile. Matt’s fans go back to their pretzels and beer and he walks toward me. "Motor cross, actually."
I nod and look interested. “So you got hurt?”
“Yeah I was busted up pretty badly. This is my first time out with my friends in three months.”
“Wow. So then that’s why you are the center of attention.” I say matter-of-factly.
“Yeah, I haven’t seen anyone in a while and everyone wants to know the details.”
“Well, I’m Tristyn. I’m best-friends with Dayna. Jeff’s wife?”
“Matt," he answers and holds out his hand in a formal introduction.
“I know,” I say flirtatiously. “Well, maybe we can chat a little more later once the noise in this room settles down. Or possibly even go somewhere a little quieter.”
“Ms. Brousse? You have a call on line one,” my assistant buzzes in and startles me from my daydream. “I know you asked me to hold your calls, but it’s Patrick Morgan from ITS Consulting. He states it’s urgent.”
“Thanks, Sandi. You can transfer him.”
“Hello Patrick, how are you?”
“Tristyn, I’m fine. We have a problem. Data migration efforts were unsuccessful.”
“What do you mean they were unsuccessful? That was a part of our quality testing, Patrick. Everything should have been transitioned smoothly.”
“Users are reporting that iterations and history data is not being seen in the application. I had some of my guys run a validation check and it appears as though we lost 30,000 records on migration.”
“Ok, what does that mean for us today? What are our options?” I asked calmly although I was frantic. This was a multi-million dollar project and my ass was on the line if this wasn’t solved pronto.
“Let’s get together today so I can discuss where the problem happened and what we can do on our end to make it right. When can you meet?”
“I’m clearing my calendar. We need to meet right now. Can you be here in twenty minutes?”
“I’m on my way.”
Friday, January 23, 2009
Wednesday, January 21, 2009
My sister, my friend
"Oh my God. Oh my God. Oh my God."
"Tristyn, calm down. What is going on?"
I called my sister first thing Saturday morning to tell her about the Jake incident. Tabitha and I are four years apart. Everything I ever owned at some point became hers - even boyfriends. She knows me better than anyone.
"Ok. I met Jake after work last night. Nothing happened. Well, just a kiss, but I feel like I need to stop whatever it is I'm doing."
"You and Matt are obviously over. I think you need to make it official. It's only fair to Matt." Tabitha has that angel/devil trait. And, hers works so well that sometimes I forget she's the younger sister.
"Well, I don't think Matt and I are over just yet. I do still love him. I think we just lost our spark."
"Well get it back or move on! You can't keep doing this, Tristyn. I like Jake. He really is great. But, you are married to Matt. And, yes it's true that Matt can be a son-of-a-bitch but you're only justifying that by cheating on him. I love you, but you're skating on thin ice here."
Suddenly I had an a-ha! moment. Tabitha is my angel.
"Tristyn, calm down. What is going on?"
I called my sister first thing Saturday morning to tell her about the Jake incident. Tabitha and I are four years apart. Everything I ever owned at some point became hers - even boyfriends. She knows me better than anyone.
"Ok. I met Jake after work last night. Nothing happened. Well, just a kiss, but I feel like I need to stop whatever it is I'm doing."
"You and Matt are obviously over. I think you need to make it official. It's only fair to Matt." Tabitha has that angel/devil trait. And, hers works so well that sometimes I forget she's the younger sister.
"Well, I don't think Matt and I are over just yet. I do still love him. I think we just lost our spark."
"Well get it back or move on! You can't keep doing this, Tristyn. I like Jake. He really is great. But, you are married to Matt. And, yes it's true that Matt can be a son-of-a-bitch but you're only justifying that by cheating on him. I love you, but you're skating on thin ice here."
Suddenly I had an a-ha! moment. Tabitha is my angel.
Tuesday, January 20, 2009
Miss U
After about an hour of talking Jake's ear off about work and about my sister, a D.C. lobbyist for the ACLU, the beer got stale and I wanted something more exciting, so I asked Mike to make me a Blue Hawaiian martini.
"What's your vodka preference, Tristyn?"
"I've got to go with the Goose, Mike."
Jake finished off his third glass of Crown and Red Bull and asked if I wanted to play pool.
"You know I suck at pool," I told him.
"Yes, I remember, but let me show you a few things."
"Um, the last time you showed me something, I ended up naked in your car," I teased.
"Tristyn, that was a long time ago. We are just friends now. Come here."
Jake placed the pool stick in my hands and came around behind me to position my arms. He moved his hands down to my hips and forcefully put them in a specific position. My breathing became rapid and when he moved his hands, I put them back. Then I wrapped his arms around my waist and just held them there. I felt his breath on my neck as he leaned forward. I turned around and I kissed him in the slowest and most passionate kiss.
Jake's kiss was everything I remembered. It was such a perfect mixture of lips and tongue - more lips than tongue. I didn't want to stop, but suddenly that fucking angel appeared. The guilt and remorse suddenly gave way and I realized that I needed to leave. I really didn't want to leave, but I needed to.
"I'm sorry, Jake. I know I said I would stay, but I can't. I'm so sorry!"
"Tristyn, it's okay. I understand. I'm sorry for even being a part of this. But you know how I feel about you. It's hard to just turn away."
"I know, I know. I really have to leave. I don't want to, but I have to."
"Okay. Let me walk you to your car."
I grabbed my coat and Jake walked me to my car. We said our goodbyes with only a hug and a kiss on the cheek. I told him I would talk to him after the weekend.
On the way home, I called Matthew. He was just leaving the UFC fight and on his way home.
"I missed you," he told me. That only made me feel worse, of course. But, I responded with the classic, "I miss you too. See you at home." I hung up the phone and texted Jake, "miss u."
"What's your vodka preference, Tristyn?"
"I've got to go with the Goose, Mike."
Jake finished off his third glass of Crown and Red Bull and asked if I wanted to play pool.
"You know I suck at pool," I told him.
"Yes, I remember, but let me show you a few things."
"Um, the last time you showed me something, I ended up naked in your car," I teased.
"Tristyn, that was a long time ago. We are just friends now. Come here."
Jake placed the pool stick in my hands and came around behind me to position my arms. He moved his hands down to my hips and forcefully put them in a specific position. My breathing became rapid and when he moved his hands, I put them back. Then I wrapped his arms around my waist and just held them there. I felt his breath on my neck as he leaned forward. I turned around and I kissed him in the slowest and most passionate kiss.
Jake's kiss was everything I remembered. It was such a perfect mixture of lips and tongue - more lips than tongue. I didn't want to stop, but suddenly that fucking angel appeared. The guilt and remorse suddenly gave way and I realized that I needed to leave. I really didn't want to leave, but I needed to.
"I'm sorry, Jake. I know I said I would stay, but I can't. I'm so sorry!"
"Tristyn, it's okay. I understand. I'm sorry for even being a part of this. But you know how I feel about you. It's hard to just turn away."
"I know, I know. I really have to leave. I don't want to, but I have to."
"Okay. Let me walk you to your car."
I grabbed my coat and Jake walked me to my car. We said our goodbyes with only a hug and a kiss on the cheek. I told him I would talk to him after the weekend.
On the way home, I called Matthew. He was just leaving the UFC fight and on his way home.
"I missed you," he told me. That only made me feel worse, of course. But, I responded with the classic, "I miss you too. See you at home." I hung up the phone and texted Jake, "miss u."
We Have History
Jake is about 6'1, 205 pounds, and a former college athlete. He looks huge next to my petite frame. He has dark hair and the sexiest smile ever. I love making him smile. He has dimples in both cheeks and one is slightly higher than the other. I melt when he gives me this half-grin where only one dimple makes an appearance.
I have known Jake for about ten years. His brother, Luke, was in the same graduating class as my younger sister, Tabitha. I knew Luke had a very cute older brother, but it wasn't until about two years after my sister graduated that I got to know Jake on a more personal level. We ran into each other at a party, got to talking, then three hours later we were rolling around on the floor of my living room. We didn't even make it up the stairs to my bedroom that night.
Things were on and off with us for about a year. I think it was the timing. I had just gotten out of a three year relationship and although I was having the time of my life with Jake, I was also having a pretty good time with a few others. I wasn't capable of giving him more than that. He knew that. I think he was okay with it.
And now here we are six years later, and I run into Jake again - this time I'm married. This time the timing doesn't seem to deter me from my curiosity of what could be.
I walk into Mike's pub and look for Jake. I see him at the bar leaning over talking to Mike. He notices me and waves.
"Hey guys."
"Well hello there beautiful." Jake kisses my cheek, takes my coat, and places it beneath his on back of the chair.
"How's it going tonight?"
"Oh just fine. What you havin?" Mike asks.
"Um, just give me a beer for now."
Jake asks me about work and whether I can stay for a while. He tells me that he wants to spend time with me other than just an hour or so. I take his hand and just hold it for a moment while making eye contact with him. I move my hands to his face, pull him in close, and whisper in his ear, "I can stay all night."
I have known Jake for about ten years. His brother, Luke, was in the same graduating class as my younger sister, Tabitha. I knew Luke had a very cute older brother, but it wasn't until about two years after my sister graduated that I got to know Jake on a more personal level. We ran into each other at a party, got to talking, then three hours later we were rolling around on the floor of my living room. We didn't even make it up the stairs to my bedroom that night.
Things were on and off with us for about a year. I think it was the timing. I had just gotten out of a three year relationship and although I was having the time of my life with Jake, I was also having a pretty good time with a few others. I wasn't capable of giving him more than that. He knew that. I think he was okay with it.
And now here we are six years later, and I run into Jake again - this time I'm married. This time the timing doesn't seem to deter me from my curiosity of what could be.
I walk into Mike's pub and look for Jake. I see him at the bar leaning over talking to Mike. He notices me and waves.
"Hey guys."
"Well hello there beautiful." Jake kisses my cheek, takes my coat, and places it beneath his on back of the chair.
"How's it going tonight?"
"Oh just fine. What you havin?" Mike asks.
"Um, just give me a beer for now."
Jake asks me about work and whether I can stay for a while. He tells me that he wants to spend time with me other than just an hour or so. I take his hand and just hold it for a moment while making eye contact with him. I move my hands to his face, pull him in close, and whisper in his ear, "I can stay all night."
Monday, January 19, 2009
My Angel is Broken
I worked late Friday night. We have a client that is implementing a COTS system and go-live is first thing Monday morning. So, being the Project Manager, it's my job to make sure all is in order when the switch is flipped.
But, there is another reason I worked late. I decided to have drinks with Jake after work. Although, Jake and I have gotten together for lunch a couple of times, I've never had the nerve to meet him after work when alcohol would be involved. I've told Jake that I didn't trust myself with him in that type of environment - smoky bar, booty music, booze. Um, no. Not a good combination of elements at all. Some people have that characteristic that allows you to see both the angel and devil in things. I didn't get that trait. Actually, I think I did get it except mine is terribly flawed.
I told Matt that I would be working extremely late that night and that he should make other plans if he didn't want to stay home. He decided to get together with a few friends and catch some UFC fight. So, I knew that I would be able to hang out with Jake as long as I liked without having to rush home.
Work only needed me until about 7:30 p.m. so I packed up my belongings and headed out the door. On the way to the bar, I was getting really nervous and even guilt-ridden. I kept hearing the whisper of my conscience but I tried to pay it no attention. Rationlization started to set in and I came up with tons of reasons why it was perfectly fine for me to meet up with Jake that night.
1. We're just friends.
2. It's only a couple of drinks for a couple of hours.
3. Matt is probably out fucking some girl.
4. We're just friends.
See. My angel is broken.
But, there is another reason I worked late. I decided to have drinks with Jake after work. Although, Jake and I have gotten together for lunch a couple of times, I've never had the nerve to meet him after work when alcohol would be involved. I've told Jake that I didn't trust myself with him in that type of environment - smoky bar, booty music, booze. Um, no. Not a good combination of elements at all. Some people have that characteristic that allows you to see both the angel and devil in things. I didn't get that trait. Actually, I think I did get it except mine is terribly flawed.
I told Matt that I would be working extremely late that night and that he should make other plans if he didn't want to stay home. He decided to get together with a few friends and catch some UFC fight. So, I knew that I would be able to hang out with Jake as long as I liked without having to rush home.
Work only needed me until about 7:30 p.m. so I packed up my belongings and headed out the door. On the way to the bar, I was getting really nervous and even guilt-ridden. I kept hearing the whisper of my conscience but I tried to pay it no attention. Rationlization started to set in and I came up with tons of reasons why it was perfectly fine for me to meet up with Jake that night.
1. We're just friends.
2. It's only a couple of drinks for a couple of hours.
3. Matt is probably out fucking some girl.
4. We're just friends.
See. My angel is broken.
Friday, January 16, 2009
What Am I Doing?
Before Matt, Jake and I had a 'thing'. I wouldn't necessarily call us a couple because we weren't. And I don't know if it was a friends-with-benefits situation either. I don't know what it really was, but the fact is...Jake is on 'the list'. I'm not saying that since I've had sex with him before it makes it okay to do it again, but at least I wouldn't be increasing my numbers, right?
Besides, Jake is totally harmless. We're just having fun texting teasing messages. We've had lunch together a few times. Nothing to blog about there. Just lunch. See. He's safe.
Geez. What in the fuck am I doing?
I love Matthew. But we are in a funk right now and have been for a long time. He doesn't look at me the same. I think he considers me a nuisance - that I'm somehow disrupting to his master life-plan. Sorry, Matt. I didn't mean to cramp you. I just don't know what you expect from me. No. Scratch that. I just don't know if I can give you what you expect from me.
Besides, Jake is totally harmless. We're just having fun texting teasing messages. We've had lunch together a few times. Nothing to blog about there. Just lunch. See. He's safe.
Geez. What in the fuck am I doing?
I love Matthew. But we are in a funk right now and have been for a long time. He doesn't look at me the same. I think he considers me a nuisance - that I'm somehow disrupting to his master life-plan. Sorry, Matt. I didn't mean to cramp you. I just don't know what you expect from me. No. Scratch that. I just don't know if I can give you what you expect from me.
The Good Ones
I texted Jake this morning to tell him he was in my dreams last night.
He asked if he was 'any good'. I told him I was just loving him. No sex.
It was a surreal dream. Felt real. I wish it was. Maybe.
He said we could 'make it real'.
'don't tease me jake. i'm vulnerable right now,' I texted back.
'ur one of the good ones.' That's what I told him.
Meaning that he knows I'm married. He knows that I can't. And, I know that he wouldn't. He's like that - sweet, sexy, smart, but too good of a guy to go there. Even though I know that he wants to as badly as I do.
He asked if he was 'any good'. I told him I was just loving him. No sex.
It was a surreal dream. Felt real. I wish it was. Maybe.
He said we could 'make it real'.
'don't tease me jake. i'm vulnerable right now,' I texted back.
'ur one of the good ones.' That's what I told him.
Meaning that he knows I'm married. He knows that I can't. And, I know that he wouldn't. He's like that - sweet, sexy, smart, but too good of a guy to go there. Even though I know that he wants to as badly as I do.
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