Two Years Later

Tonight I'm a bridesmaid at my cousin's wedding. Now that I'm a divorcee', there's an oddity about being at a wedding. It's not like when one is single and never married. No, in that situation you tend to still have hope that one day it will be your turn. Once you've been married, especially after you've gone through a divorce, you become a cynic. You become so bitterly jaded about marriage and relationships.

It's only been eight months since my split with Matt. It was amicable. We both put the cards on the table that we had been considering wandering outside of the relationship. Although we were mutually respectful, that didn't make it any easier. I loved him. I just didn't want to be married to him. And, I couldn't be married to him knowing that I was constantly wondering if my real husband was out there somewhere.

But, in the past eight months I haven't been doing any husband searching. I've been doing some Tristyn-searching. I've been focusing heavily on the things in my life that are important to ME. My days consist of getting in a five mile run before work each morning. I'm hyper-focused at my job and have been getting a lot of recognition for my drive and ambition. At night, I get to decide whether I want a quiet evening at home with some take-out and a DVD or if I want to grab dinner and martinis with the girls. I don't have to ask permission from anyone. I don't have to feel guilty when I do something for myself. And, I definitely don't need to explain myself when I stay out too late. No texting, "I'll be home in an hour." It's been unbelievably fantastic.

I also have not dated. After Matt, I didn't want to end up in a rebound relationship like so many of my girlfriends. Sure, I've gotten some offers. There was this new intern at work who asked me to grab a quick drink after hours, but not only was I not ready but I also steer clear of coworkers. Then, my neighbor tried introducing me to her cousin. I must admit I was tempted. He is quite easy on the eyes, but no. I turned that one down too. Oh, and my girlfriends have been pestering me to join some online date site, but those dating sites always made me feel like I was whoring myself out. I'm truly enjoying being an independent, single woman. I feel, for the first time in a long time, I'm in complete control of my life.